i really need to get back into the overachieving, perfectionist, constantly working or stressing about school and getting into college mode that i was so focused on a few months ago. lately all i've wanted to do is hang out with friends, have actual experiences and think rationally about things that might matter more. i like driving up in the hills and looking out over the whole bay area, realizing how trivial test grades and prestigious names are. thinking about all those lights out there who remind me of people i need to try to stop being and i just need to learn to find what i actually want. i wonder if i could ever let myself be happy.
this is just a phase.
but for tonight i feel no need to get ahead on my homework, especially because i'm sick. i've rented american beauty and i think i'm going to watch it because too many people have given me a hard time for not seeing it. someone come over and watch it with me! come on, minimesters don't have that much work, do they? then i am going to read one of my new books and go to bed early, hoping that tomorrow when i wake up my cough will be gone and i will have a little bit more motivation.