maybe im just getting older. maybe its chemicals. maybe meeting people this summer who had been through the same sorts of things, who i could relate to so much, was a factor. its so weird and frustrating how i found myself putting so much out there and telling so much to people i have known a percentage of the time i have known my friends. i told things to sarah, sarah and nikki that i just wouldn't let myself share with certain people. i know that's my own doing, my own fault, but sometimes i wish i could let myself go with people here. it's not that i'm lonely, it's just that i miss that so much, and it frustrates me that i can't do it.
i know i started this entry out saying that things were good. and they truly are. yet it still seems like there is so much i am unsure of right now. im so sick of always trying to be the best at something but never quite making it. im sick of expectations, and pressure and competition. i really am making no sense, seeing as i am dead tired and stressed out right now. okay, now it is seeming like i am not happy, which definitel is not true. i will go to bed and try to be more logical tomorrow.