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peanuts

here it comes...

Posted on 2003.02.08 at 15:25
Wow, has it really been over a month since I last updated? Well, to all of you who I have seen within that time, I'm sure it was awesome to hang out with you and I hope that everything is going well.

Just in case you wanted to know what's going on with me: not much. Seeing as this is my journal (well, as much of a journal as an online diary can be) I reserve the right to be a tad bit dramatic and say that things have not been super lately. I've really been disliking school, and surprisingly enough I'm not really referring to the academic part (of course that always plays a huge factor in my stressing) but more the social aspect. Honestly, I cannot stand these people! It must be partially my problem, but I had decided to blame it on the Caldecott tunnel.

[generalization time]Yes, that hole in the mountain does make a difference in the types of people who come from its county. A difference in their views, their values, their intelligence, their artificialness and their appeal. Worst of all, their ability to influence and change those from this side of the tunnel who I could once count on to agree with me on certain things is especially frusterating.[/generalization time]

Right now I just don't want to deal with anything. I've been working way too hard lately with school and swimming and I've just finally lost all motivation. The standards I set for myself are rediculous and I find myself stressing over every little thing that I can find to worry about.

What really bothers me is that it never seems like anything pays off. Today I went to a swim meet, hoping to do well due to the fact that I have been going to numerous double days lately. However, I was so exhausted that I ended up only swimming two events, gaining about 20 seconds in each (not to mention crying after both which I haven't done since I was like ten) and then falling asleep in the middle of the meet. Luckily my coach was understanding and told me to go home and get better, but it was still discouraging.

I also ate waay too much junk there/when I got home and on top of everything have the worst stomach ache.

Okay, I'm going to look back at this entry tomorrow and think I was being melodramatic. Because nothing really sucks, I'm really fine most of the time, I just wish that I could have a genuinely good day sometime soon. Thank god break is coming up soon.

Comments:


(Anonymous) at 2003-02-10 15:59 (UTC) (Link)

jessie!

you updated your journal!
hope things get better sweetie.

i'll see you soon.
xo, Esen
jess
jess_is_here at 2003-02-10 17:05 (UTC) (Link)

esen!

Thanks hon! :)
Hey, if you can, try to make it out to imusicast on February 22nd, it's Cassi and my birthday and we'd love to see you!
xoxo
jessie
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