March 9th, 2005

peanuts

why am i up and why aren't i at least being productive if i'm wasting time?

i know i'm such a sap but sometimes i just want someone to care for me and cuddle with me and tell me i'm beautiful or amazing, even if it's a lie, even if i don't believe it. there are too many things on my mind and i want someone to listen. i want an experience in high school that doesn't have to do with hospitals, calories, long sleeves or therapists or ssri's or divorces.

and now i feel bad for complaining or being unsatisfied because life is good. i love my friends, they are everything right now. but since when was
peanuts

(no subject)

i can't for the life of me figure out why i am up at 2am on a tuesday night. i didn't even have homework tonight. i don't even know what i'm doing right now. i'm making a playlist and intermittently doing calculus problems every ten minutes. i can't figure out how that in any way beats sleeping. yet i am up.
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