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May 13th, 2003


random thoughts from the hospital bed:

Posted on 2003.05.13 at 22:01
Right now I'm feeling somewhat optimistic, but thats bound to change in about five minutes. I -am- making progress pretty quickly though. I'm off of bed rest and on to real food and wheelchair. Eating is the hardest most stressful thing ever, and mealtime is the worst, not to mention most frequent time of the day. The thing that depresses me is that this isn't going to end once I get out. Nothing is going to be normal for a while, and things are going to be changed forever. Fuck, why did this happen.

Both of the girls who were my age left yesterday and today, and now everyone here is like 12 years old. I would have expected more older girls, but apparently that's more frequent in the fall for school reasons. Some new girl came in tonight who looks a little older, maybe I'll see if I can get a wheely-ride down to her room tomorrow.

Ow, I hurt everywhere. I feel sooo gross and soo sick and am soo tired of this. I can't, and don't want to, but I have to. It's not like they really give us a choice to anyway.

Oh my god, I have the hottest medical counselor taking care of me tonight. (No, not male nurse, he's a counselor, whatever that is). I thought he was someone's older brother or something, because he's not in normal staff clothes, but oh no my friends, he is taking my vitals and nagging me about food. Kind of decreases the appeal, but he's still pretty cute, if you ask me.

I am so glad that I got a head start on this. Sure, the three weeks at home were not completely sucessful, but when i first went to the doctors' my heart rate was about 10bpm lower than it is now and my temperature was probably about 5 degrees lower. I gained some weight over that time, just not quickly enough. Even though if I had come in three weeks ago I probably would have been done with this by now, or almost out, it would have taken a lot longer, and I probably would have been in bed rest for like a week. Jesus, I would have gone crazy. I think the fact that I'm normally active and fit therefore strengthening my heart and other muscles (while in a healthy state) contributes to how easily I can recover from something like this. There was a girl who just got outof here today, who had been here a month. Her weight was fine but her vitals were unstable. A lot of other kids have been here for a while too, and (knock on wood) I don't think I will have to stay nearly as long, for both of these reasons. There was one girl who was only here for six days, but I guess we can't all be -that- lucky.

In conclusion: God this sucks.

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