jess (jess_is_here) wrote,
jess
jess_is_here

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Quick update...

Life is STRESSFUL for a bunch of stupid reasons.

This whole waiting for college notifications/pushing through the final six important weeks of school is killing me. I guess I'll just take it one step at a time (the first step being this monster of a history project due Monday), and it will be February 17th (end of the term) soon enough, right? And then it will be April 1st before I know it! (yeah right...)

I'm happy and things are good but I think there are just a lot of things kind of weighing in on my emotions right now. Probably one of those senior funks everyone seems to go through. I can't even explain it. Social situations are weird (which, for the most part, is my fault)and I'm fighting off senioritis like you wouldn't believe. I feel silly for getting so worked up about things I know are so incredibly "high school". Eh, I guess I only have a few more months where that kind of thing is okay, so I might as well take advantage of it. (Not an excuse, I know).

Maybe it's just the feeling of reflecting on the past four years and not knowing how to feel about it. Being proud of some things, missing some things, regetting others. Over-analyzing and over-thinking everything that's happened, feeling like I've grown up so much but still can't really apply that maturity to certain parts of my life.

There are some things that are in my control and that I need to fix. Soon. Not because I feel some need to redeem myself or fix problems before this is all over, but because I genuinely need to do it for myself. I don't know, maybe it's too late, or just pointless, or all in my head, but I guess this whole phase thing I'm going through is forcing me to realize and want things that are completely confusing me at the same time. Again, I'll just have to approach this one step at a time.

Okay, none of that made any sense at all.
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