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peanuts

REFLECTIVE/ EFFUSIVE ENTRY WARNING

Posted on 2004.09.23 at 22:27
life is so good right now. i just thought that needed to be said, due to my lack of updates in the past few months. (although most of you who read this at this point probably see me everyday). the past two years have unravelled in ways i could have never predicted, but somehow i feel like things are finally calming down. within the past month i've stopped therapy (still have psychiatry, and if you know the difference you know what i mean by that), been swimming as much as i want, and i've been as social as can be. sure, i don't think i will ever let myself relax when it comes to school and i will always stress out more than the average person, but i haven't felt lonely for a long time.

maybe im just getting older. maybe its chemicals. maybe meeting people this summer who had been through the same sorts of things, who i could relate to so much, was a factor. its so weird and frustrating how i found myself putting so much out there and telling so much to people i have known a percentage of the time i have known my friends. i told things to sarah, sarah and nikki that i just wouldn't let myself share with certain people. i know that's my own doing, my own fault, but sometimes i wish i could let myself go with people here. it's not that i'm lonely, it's just that i miss that so much, and it frustrates me that i can't do it.

i know i started this entry out saying that things were good. and they truly are. yet it still seems like there is so much i am unsure of right now. im so sick of always trying to be the best at something but never quite making it. im sick of expectations, and pressure and competition. i really am making no sense, seeing as i am dead tired and stressed out right now. okay, now it is seeming like i am not happy, which definitel is not true. i will go to bed and try to be more logical tomorrow.

Comments:


first_of_may at 2004-09-24 01:05 (UTC) (Link)
i'm so happy for you Jessie. really, I am.

you're one of the most admirable, outanding, and mature young ladies I've ever met. cheers to your success.
jess
jess_is_here at 2004-09-24 05:53 (UTC) (Link)
aww emily, i love you! thanks babe. :)
how are things going for you? i hope you're enjoying hampshire. cass and i miss you tons.
xoxo
jessie
o_invertedworld at 2004-09-24 14:41 (UTC) (Link)
i miss you jessie.
jess
jess_is_here at 2004-09-24 16:23 (UTC) (Link)
ivy i miss you too! <3
(Anonymous) at 2004-09-27 18:33 (UTC) (Link)

i miss my child ;-)

hey little one,
i miss you like whoa. there are so many times when i wish i could just hang out with you doing nothing...or our idea of nothing [ jumping on the bed singing rent, watching movies, etc ]. i'm so glad that we've stayed in touch so much, especially since i don't really talk to anyone else from camp that often. i love you so much jess, i can't wait to see you in decemeber!
love always,
sar
jess
jess_is_here at 2004-09-27 20:47 (UTC) (Link)

Re: i miss my child ;-)

oh man sarah! i made a cd the other day with some rent songs on it and it reminded me of you! of course, it wasn't as good as our beautiful renditions, but still quite nostalgaic!
i miss you sososososososo much! i love that we talk like every day, but i can't wait to actually see you, because aim is a lame excuse for communication. love you THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS much and more,
jessie
Elizabeth
chocolate_horse at 2004-10-02 22:08 (UTC) (Link)
I'm sick of expectations/pressure, too. I'm glad you're feeling better, and I hope you know that you can always come and talk to me.
jess
jess_is_here at 2004-10-03 09:37 (UTC) (Link)
aww elizabeth! you are so sweet! i am so glad that we have become better friends this year, you are such an awesome girl. the same goes for you...you can ALWAYS come and talk to me and i will be there for you!
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